I remember 28 years ago bounding into my parents’ bedroom at what I’m certain was some ungodly hour of the morning begging to know if I had turned four-years old yet. This far removed from that date, I can no longer recall the answer to my question. What I do remember vividly though is the excitement I felt that day. I was filled with imagination, hope, and dreams of the future.
Yesterday, I turned 32. It’s a seemingly insignificant age when compared to 16, 21, and 30. However, in my life, its significance does not go unnoticed. Why is it so important? It marks another year gone by in which I feel as though I accomplished very little toward making my great vision a reality. Each year that passes makes it harder for me to see this beautiful dream come to fruition. I haven’t given up (and I won’t), but it’s difficult to not become discouraged.
I think often of that little four-year old girl, and I wonder if I’ve let her down. I wonder if I’ve let my 32-year old self down. I’ve had a hell of a lot of missteps along the way – ones that continue to impact my life. I don’t want these to define me, but honestly, sometimes they do. Sometimes, it feels as though I’m not worthy of my vision, that no matter how much effort I put toward it, it’ll never happen. But still, I continue on, because I know that this right here, right now is not enough. I was made for more.
Now, I am 32. Sixteen is gone, as is 21 and 30. No matter how much I wish I could go back and change so many things about my life, all I have is this. What I choose to do with this year will shape the rest of my life, of that I am certain. So, here’s to you 32! May you be the year that sees this grand vision come to life!