Diary of a Country Dame

The Unofficial Musings of a Woman on the Edge

Month: August 2017

To Just Be

Technology is an awesome thing. In a matter of seconds, it allows me to connect to people all over the world, and I often do. The answer to nearly any question my mind can conceive is just a Google search away. Technology allows me to make money from home while I pursue my dreams. It truly is wonderful.

It is also an incredible distraction. Most of us are constantly attached to some sort of device which frequently sends out random bells, whistles, and chimes to be certain that we do not (or more accurately, cannot) ignore it. It also allows us easy access to comparison 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Yes, there are so many pros to technology, but as with everything, we can’t ignore the cons.

Maybe the worst con of this technology-driven era in which we live, is that it keeps us constantly busy. People walk with head down staring at an iPhone or iPad and miss what’s around them. When is the last time you just stopped and took in the nature surrounding you? When was the last time you set down the device and glanced out a window or up at the sky? How much we miss when we are not aware!

Despite all of the evil in our world, we still live in a land of beauty. Choose to just be and discover all that Nature has to offer. Fields of wildflowers waving in a warm breeze. A clear blue sky beckoning to be admired. A brilliant sunset concluding a beautiful day. A sliver of moon peaking out on a hot summer night. Oh, how much there is to notice! Let’s learn to just be.

My North Carolina Home

Home is a dogwood bloom
A long-leaf pine
A Carolina moon
Home is a cardinal red
A run-down barn
A rusted shed
Home is an open field
A John Deere tractor
A daffodil
Home is the smell of fresh-cut grass
Flowers growing wild
Sweet tea in a glass
Home is grapes growing red on the vine
A hawk in the sky
A place to unwind

Home is a spring watching flowers bloom all around
Home is an autumn with leaves falling to the ground
Home is a summer spent fishing a small pond
Home is a winter waking to a blanket of snow at dawn

Home is my mom hanging clothes on the line
Home is my dad in his shop just passing the time
Home is the place where memories were made
Where prayer was a part of every day

Home is the place I’ll always long to be
Among the yellow pines and the evergreens
No matter where life takes me this one thing I see
My North Carolina home will be there waiting for me

Here’s To You, 32!

I remember 28 years ago bounding into my parents’ bedroom at what I’m certain was some ungodly hour of the morning begging to know if I had turned four-years old yet. This far removed from that date, I can no longer recall the answer to my question. What I do remember vividly though is the excitement I felt that day. I was filled with imagination, hope, and dreams of the future.

Yesterday, I turned 32. It’s a seemingly insignificant age when compared to 16, 21, and 30. However, in my life, its significance does not go unnoticed. Why is it so important? It marks another year gone by in which I feel as though I accomplished very little toward making my great vision a reality. Each year that passes makes it harder for me to see this beautiful dream come to fruition. I haven’t given up (and I won’t), but it’s difficult to not become discouraged.

I think often of that little four-year old girl, and I wonder if I’ve let her down. I wonder if I’ve let my 32-year old self down. I’ve had a hell of a lot of missteps along the way – ones that continue to impact my life. I don’t want these to define me, but honestly, sometimes they do. Sometimes, it feels as though I’m not worthy of my vision, that no matter how much effort I put toward it, it’ll never happen. But still, I continue on, because I know that this right here, right now is not enough. I was made for more.

Now, I am 32. Sixteen is gone, as is 21 and 30. No matter how much I wish I could go back and change so many things about my life, all I have is this. What I choose to do with this year will shape the rest of my life, of that I am certain. So, here’s to you 32! May you be the year that sees this grand vision come to life!

Oh, Restless Heart…

I grew up in the farmlands of Eastern North Carolina. It’s beautiful country, really. From the time I was born to the moment I left for college at 18, I lived in the same house. From kindergarten through my high school graduation, I went to the same school. From infancy through age 13, I attended the same church. The common theme? Sameness.

For many people, this “sameness” is comforting and even preferable, but for a wild imagination and a restless heart, it’s a burden. I didn’t always see things this way, but as I became more aware of myself and my desires, that sameness became unbearable. My heart craved more – more adventure, more romance, more…well, of pretty much everything. I am a soul never fully satisfied.

One day, I imagine this restless heart will find its true happiness and settle down, but for now, it’s wild and free and on the search for something different. Gone are the days when I could sit idly by and allow sameness to dominate my life. Everyone, whether they choose to admit it or not, longs for a great adventure. Some step bravely onto that open road and embrace the unknown. Others choose to be paralyzed by fear. It is my desire that I will courageously take on that mysterious path and at its end find peace for this restless heart.