Diary of a Country Dame

The Unofficial Musings of a Woman on the Edge

Month: July 2017

Dream Big!

I’ve seen the above quote quite a bit lately, and to be honest, it’s not something I’m very good at. When I look at my life and the current circumstances, all those voices telling me to “get your head out of the clouds” come roaring back. It’s not a whisper or a hint; it is a shout and a fact. There is no doubt in these voices. They are steady and sure. It is me alone who begins to doubt my dreams and my vision.

A few months ago, I had a conversation with an acquaintance concerning my vision. As I’ve mentioned before, it is bold, to be sure, but it is my joy and the culmination of my truest self. This individual asked me the equivalent of this question: “If you aren’t happy and this isn’t what you want, then what do you want?” The answer is simple, the explanation not as much. I laid out my vision as generically as I could, hoping this person would see the light come into my eyes as so many others have when I speak of my great dream. However, instead of excitement, what I received was skepticism. “That doesn’t sound like reality; that sounds like nothing but a dream.” I had heard it before. Actually, I had heard it before from this very same individual. It hurt nonetheless.

I spent days broken and feeling generally beaten up. I starting doubting, buying into reality and allowing my vision to slip by the wayside. Then, I started to see things for what they really were. This person had never attempted anything daring. This individual had always “played it safe”. I can even recall asking at one point, “Didn’t you ever have something you hoped for, something really big that you knew had to be a part of your life?” The response? “No, not really.” It was said in the most passive, uninterested tone you could imagine. I understood then that this person would never fully understand me or my vision.

For years, I have allowed small minds to make decisions for me. I’ve pretty much stuck to the standard, always following the status quo. Now, I know why I never was happy and why, as long as I follow that path, I never will be. People who refuse to dream can’t understand those who do. I know I was made to live out this vision, and I’ll be damned if I let one more small mind tell me I can’t.

 

Ode To Summer

June night
Soft moonlight
Catching fireflies
Light in our eyes

Fourth of July
Spirits high
Fireworks light
A darkened sky

August days
Ocean waves
Cares away
Summer haze

A day spent care-free on the beach
The sound of slamming front porch screens
Sipping lemonade under the shade of a tree
Running barefoot wild and free

The heat of the day beading on skin
Standing with a rod waiting to reel in
Family reunions bringing back kin
Yes summer’s here again

Cup of Chamomile, World of Words

My evenings these days all look basically the same. You will typically find me with a good book in my lap and a cup of chamomile tea steaming away in my hand. No, it’s not a very exciting life, but for right now, it is mine.

I would love my days and nights to be filled with adventure and excitement. I would love to travel and see the world. (I’d even settle for just seeing more of America than my own backyard.) I admire and, yes, envy the free spirits who can leave a “normal” life behind and create their own rules for living. I get overwhelmed by traditions, standards, and the status quo just as much as those free spirits, but they have the courage I lack.

However, it’s not just a lack of courage that keeps my feet planted in this red North Carolina clay. For this moment, this is my place. I don’t always like it, and honestly, there are times I loathe it. I try to make the most of this life, but sometimes it just takes too much effort to fake a smile. What keeps me going is my dream, my vision. It is big, it is bold, it is joy to the fullest, and it, too, is mine. For some reason, God or the Universe (or whatever you choose to call this greater force) hasn’t granted me fulfillment. This right here, right now, is my place, my moment, my life.

So, here I sit, with my chamomile tea in a mug hand-crafted by a fellow creative reading a paperback memoir of someone else’s exciting life, and I’m okay. Because while it might not be the incredible life I hope to live someday, for right now, it is mine.

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